Getting Personal
I recently had a conversation over brunch with a dear friend and we starting talking about how our relationships with our mothers during our teenage years deeply affected and molded us. We could both remember specific conversations that had a profound effects on us. Some women may feel that their mother didn’t expect much from them, while others felt they were constantly pushed to go further.
Can you relate?
For as long as I can remember, my mother has pushed me do and to become better. As a little girl, I took ballet classes and piano lessons. I didn’t particularly enjoy either activity, but I stuck with them until she finally saw that I wasn’t enjoying either. Later during junior high and high school I took martial arts, again I didn’t choose it and didn’t want to do it. I did not have a choice in the matter. My mother saw I needed help building self-confidence and decided it was something I was going to do. I pushed back a lot, but I grew to enjoy and excel in the art. It gave me confidence, taught me discipline, perseverance and how to deal with wins and losses. By the way, I earned my second-degree black belt and became an instructor.
My mother pushed me a lot. She wanted me to have opportunities, because she didn’t have them growing up. My mother grew up in a time and in a culture where all that was expected of her was to get married and have children. When she wanted to go to school, she didn’t get any support at all, in fact she was told not to bother. When she did go to school, she ended up not finishing because life got in the way. Every time she nagged me she would remind me that she didn’t have what I did. There was no one there to push or encourage her. When she had my sister and me she made sure we didn’t have that experience. She made sure she pushed us to become and do better and boy did she; she was determined to give us what she never had. Sometimes she created goals for us, but if there was something we wanted to do, she supported us. She has championed us on our goals and still does to this day.
The thing is, as a teenager I didn’t understand it the way I do now.
I was fully aware of her hardship growing up, it was never a secret. But I hated her pushing me, and I would challenge it when it required more from me that I was willing to give. I didn’t see her wanting the best for me, I saw it as her nagging and annoying me, and wanting me to do what she wanted. Even though I was fully aware she only wanted a positive future for me.
And how would I respond? I gave her a lot of attitude and didn’t always do my best.
As a teenager, I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t have a passion I wanted to go after. I think my mother saw that and made it her business to create goals for me. You see she had goals, but there wasn’t a person there to tell her she could achieve them. There was no one who believed in her or to simply say, “You can do it.”
As an adult, I understand why she pushed me and I am grateful for it now. I just didn’t see it that way as a teen. As a teenager, I struggled with doing right by my parents and at the same time finding my individuality and exploring independence. For today’s teens, things haven’t change. I believe that teens still want to do right by their parents, but at the same time they will challenge you and test your boundaries (and their’s too!).
Please let me know if you can relate to my experience. If you are a parent and find yourself nagging or arguing with your children to become motivated and set goals how is that affecting your relationship? How are they responding?
Much love,
Andrea
ASK FOR HELP
I hope this has been a fantastic start of the year for you and you are maintaining your goals. Most likely you are approaching the end of the first quarter, and you (or your teen) are working on balancing school, sport, extracurricular and any other demands. Teens have become masters at juggling multiple responsibilities, and it can result in stress and overwhelm.
How you start off your school year, sets the tone for the rest of the year. If you are stressed and overwhelmed now, it is important that you take a look at why, and make a change. High school should be a time of learning, growing and fun, but often times it can feel far from it and like a struggle.
If there is one area that I know teens struggle with it is with asking for help. For some reason, teens (and adults) view asking for help as a show of weakness, like they are failing and that if they can’t do it alone they are not good enough. Trust me I know, because I used to have the very same mindset. As a recovering perfectionist, the biggest lesson I have learned is to ask for help. When we struggle with perfectionism and don’t allow ourselves to show vulnerability and reach out for help we deny ourselves the opportunity to grow and to connect with others. What we end up doing is building a wall making it very difficult for others to support us, and even for us to reach out and ask.
Chances are, you are not going to be perfect in every area of school. And guess what! THAT’S NORMAL.
If you are struggling in an area, it is extremely important that you communicate with your teachers or family and reach out to get help and support. Let them know that you are aware of your situation, and that you are willing to put in the work to improve and change. If you are struggling, the only thing that is in your control is to reach out and get help. Your teachers are there to help you and chances are your school has programs set in place to provide you with support as well. All it takes is for you to step up, reach out and ask for help.
So acknowledge the struggle, come to terms with it and then be willing to take the steps to change the situation. Where you are now, doesn’t define where you are going to be in the end. Your current struggle doesn’t define you, in fact it is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself. When we learn how to move through and out of a struggle, we become stronger individuals and leaders.
I am going to challenge you to think of asking for help as a form of leadership. Any great leader knows that it is essential to have mentors and a support group to help achieve goals. We cannot achieve everything alone, we must reach out, ask for help and together we can reach higher and experience true success.
Feel free to comment below if you connect with this post. Not sure how to start and get help? Schedule a FREE 30-minute Power Session and we can discuss how to get started. CLICK HERE
Much love,
Andrea
OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION
In our last post, we addressed different reasons as to why we procrastinate. If you missed it, you might want to read it first. (CLICK HERE)
I hope you took the time to sit and really examine what is going on in your life and are open to making changes. Before you start implementing strategies to overcome procrastination, you must take a clear look as to what is going on internally for you to put off your goals and as a result not achieving the success that you want.
Once you get honest with yourself, start taking action. Creating a plan of action will help you get clear on how much time you have, what is important to you and release anxiety and stress. Here are a few things you can start doing to get over procrastination:
Get a Planner
I highly recommend you get a planner that you can see both the month and week. I truly believe that planning and discipline equal freedom. Success is a planned event; it will not happen by itself without preparation. If you take a look at the most successful people in business and society, you will see that they take the time to plan their success. They write them down, the look it over constantly and they make adjustments.
Start Planning
Every week (you should start on Sunday), plan out your week. What major tasks to you have to accomplish that week? Write them in your calendar for the month and for that week start to schedule when and how you will start tackling these tasks. Plan in your fun time as well. If you know you have an event to go to during the week, be sure to plan your preparations for it.
Prioritize
Tackle the major events (projects, meetings, items that have a hard deadline) first and schedule the time to complete them. After that you can schedule the smaller things. Also it is a good idea to give yourself a time frame for completing these tasks. Often times we schedule a lot on our calendar and don’t think about the actual time we have to complete them.
Reflect
At the end of the day, reflect on the day’s events and how you did keeping to your schedule. If something didn’t work, change it. Did you get distracted? Why? What will you change so that distraction doesn’t happen again? Maybe you need to put your phone in another room, or perhaps you need to change the location you do your work in. Change what is in your ability, even small changes can have great positive effects.
AND THE GAME CHANGER!
Accountability
Connect with someone to hold you accountable. Just like athletes have private coaches to help them move forward, or individuals who want to lose weight hire a trainer or nutritionist and entrepreneurs have business coaches to help them set and achieve goals, it is important to connect with someone that will hold you accountable to your goals. This individual can help you map out your goals, help you come up with solutions for blocks and most importantly hold you accountable for the things you say you are going to do.
I hope these strategies and tools help you make changes, improve your life and help you kick stress and overwhelm out of your life. If you want to further the discussion and need help to implement these changes I am here to support you. CLICK HERE.
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
LET’S GET TO THE ROOT OF PROCRASTINATION
I believe that teens today are working harder than ever before. The idea, that teens don’t work hard, I believe is a lie. Teens are multi-tasking more now than ever. Almost every teen I know volunteers time to a cause, is involved in sports and extracurricular activities and of course manages to have some sort of personal life. I don’t believe that teens today have a lack of work ethic, what they may have is a lack of ability to prioritize, which then leads to procrastination.
How has procrastination kept you from achieving success?
I have recently been getting a lot of questions around procrastination and how to move past it. Procrastination is a common bad habit that almost everyone has to get over. Procrastination often times starts during youth, the preteen and teenage years, and develops from there. If you are a parent who has watched your teen push off chores, homework and other tasks, you’ve probably had many arguments around this and find yourself nagging your child. This, of course, is not a fun experience for either parties.
Procrastination is by definition the action of delaying or postponing something. In today’s post I want to take a look at why people (teens and adults) procrastinate. Before you start implementing strategies to overcome procrastination, it is fundamental to get to the root as to why we are procrastinating in the first place. Once you create this awareness you can start implementing strategies to overcome it. Here are some reasons as to why individuals fail to take action. Take a look, and see what areas you or your teen may fall in.
- You are concerned with other people’s opinion of you. This is probably the biggest reason as to why people do not move forward in taking action. The fear of people’s opinion of a failure is what keeps so many people from taking action and tackling goals. For the most part, we don’t want to let our friends and family down. But there comes a point in time when you must separate your goals from the opinions of others. This is why it is fundamental for parents to praise the process (sticking with a difficult assignment, a challenging course, seeking out help at school) and not the outcome (the grade). Grades, job status, titles do not define a person, character does.
- You seek constant advice from others. Like the previous point, people who fall into this category have fear of making wrong decisions and are challenged to follow their instinct. There may be lack the confidence in decision-making because of further fear of letting others down. Seeking constant advice, fools us into thinking we are taking action, but what is really happening is we are stalling to take action.
- Do you suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)? For some people the idea that everyone else is having fun without them is too much and they say “yes” to doing everything. Typically speaking, these people do things that are important for everyone else, because of fear of letting people down or not seeming like they are part of the group. So as a result, these individuals do what everyone else wants first, before doing what matters to them.
- You enjoy everything in excess. Some people will sleep until noon, binge watch TV, play video games for hours. Some people can just hangout for ever. Typically speaking, these people lack discipline, do not take responsibility and have absolutely no connection to the outcome. It is likely, that they are often not held accountable, and have accepted not achieving. People who fall into this category have not been taught the importance to work first and play later, instead for them, they feed every indulgence and do not have any connection to commitments and goals.
Now that we have taken a look as to why people procrastinate, we can start to think about changing the habit. If you find yourself struggling in one of these areas and want to work further on getting past them, schedule a FREE 30-minute Power Session. CLICK HERE.
Much love,
Andrea
WE CAN LEARN A LOT FROM CHILDREN
A few months back I spent a weekend with my youngest cousin. He’s a fun-loving, energetic and witty four-year-old who keeps me on my toes. I love spending time with him. Like any other four-year old, he is hysterically honest and somehow always teaches me something. He reminds me of the importance of always being curious, how to use my imagination and to cherish the little, magical moments. One of the Foundational Principles I learned from my Coaching Program is that “Everyone is both our student and our teacher”. This awesome four-year-old teaches me a lot, here are three things I am reminded when I’m with this awesome four-year-old.
- Be curious – If you have spent any amount of time with a four-year-old you know that their favorite question is, “Why?” Children want to know and understand why to everything. I love his curiosity because it triggers my own. He wants to learn how things work and is up for discovering something new. Everything is an amazing adventure when you are with a child. I find myself learning so much because of his curiosity. If I don’t know the answer, together we find it out, and I always thank him for helping me learn something new.
- Don’t easily take no for an answer – When a four-year-old wants something, they will not take no for an answer. What I admire most is how quick he is able to come up with a solution in order to win his way or at the minimum to get a compromise. How many times do we easily accept a no? When you hear “no” take a moment to think. Be creative and offer fair solutions that are mutually beneficial. If you still get a no, at least you tried.
- Use your imagination – I don’t have children of my own, so I don’t have many toys laying around. No video-games, no tablet to entertain him. We play and often times it is a game he has created. It is amazing how creative and resourceful he can be. No toys, no problem. To him everything is a game, a fun adventure. Isn’t that a fun way to view life as a game that you are winning?
What lessons have you learned from the younger generations in your life?
Much love,
Andrea
p.s. If you are stuck and want to connect to creative ways to move forward in your life, schedule a free 30 minute Power Session. CLICK HERE
I’M NOT SORRY
When I was a teen and young adult I would constantly say “I’m sorry”. If something fell out of someone else’s hand, I would say “I’m sorry”, while trying to catch it for them. If something fell out of the fridge, “I’m sorry”. The worse part, I didn’t even realize I was constantly saying “I’m sorry”, until one day my mother actually pointed it out.
“Why do you always say you’re sorry Andrea?”
“Uh… Do I? I don’t know….”
I started to think about it, and I became totally aware of my overuse of the phrase “I’m sorry”. I would say “I’m sorry” and repeat it with another “I’m sorry”, because I realized I was using the phrase without even meaning it. I was apparently sorry for everything, and often I genuinely felt sorry. I’d feel guilty for my feelings. If I cried, “I’m sorry.” If you cried, “I’m sorry”. If I forgot something, “I’m sorry” and I’d feel terrible about it. For some reason, I had taken it upon myself to carry my pain, the effect of my pain on others and then everyone’s elses pain on my shoulders and I was sorry about everything.
Totally not healthy!
When I became aware of my overuse of “I’m sorry” I was liberated. Liberated from feeling that I had to be perfect. I felt free to be me, to feel, to express my feelings and to speak up. I no longer felt it my responsibility to make others feel happy and to solve every problem.
Let me be clear. Yes, I make mistakes, and sometimes they are unfortunate and sometimes they aren’t a big deal. I absolutely say “I’m sorry” when I honestly and truthfully mean it and when I am apologizing. But the difference is instead I no longer come from a place of victimhood and fear, but rather from love.
Thank you for reading.
Much Love,
Andrea
HOW HAVING A PMA CHANGED MY LIFE
“A positive mental attitude (PMA) is the starting point of all riches, whether they be riches of a material nature or intangible riches.”
– Napoleon Hill
I like to consider myself as someone who has a PMA. I wasn’t always this way. I used to assume the worst in people (including myself), situations and outcomes. It has taken a lot of work on myself, self-reflecting and digging deep to define how I want to live my life and the type of energy I want to be surrounded by. And still, after all the work I have done, I sometimes find myself assuming the negative in a situation. The difference is now, as soon as I find myself starting down the negative thought path I autocorrect and flip my internal conversation. Adopting a positive mental attitude allows you to get out of your head and be present and in the moment.
Once I adopted a PMA, I noticed a lot of changes in my life, changes I hope you can also experience. Let me share…
- I feel peace. Life is going to happen. Like it or not, there are things that are out of your control. When I set out assuming the best in a situation, even if it is outside of my comfort zone, I usually end up feeling better about myself and the situation itself. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel my nerves, I do, but I allow those feelings to mix with excitement and that allows me to calm down and just ride the moment.
- I notice my surroundings. Once I changed and believed my new positive mindset, I noticed I started to really take in the beauty of my surroundings, the sky, the birds, people laughing, the landscape. Once I got out of my head, I was able to really see everything that surrounds me.
- My relationships became deeper. What I noticed is I attract people with a similar mindset, that want the best for both themselves and others, and therefore are honest, sincere and uplifting. What I find is like energy attracts like energy, and as a result my relationships are meaningful and authentic.
- I am empowered to reach my goals. Having a PMA I am empowered to take action and reach my goals. A PMA has given me the ability to develop the self-discipline to do the tasks necessary because they are in harmony with my end goal. These tasks don’t feel burdensome, in fact I wake up excited to do, what I would once avoid. This is a huge accomplishment, because I would procrastinate every task, chore, assignment, you name it, possible. When I switched how I looked at things, the things I looked at changed. They no longer seemed like unachievable, one-day goals, but rather, items I can easily check off as long as I have a plan.
If adopting an PMA seems like an impossible feat, I recommend you reach out and schedule a free Power Session and we can help you get on the path of a positive outlook.
Much love,
Andrea
5 TIPS TO MAKE THIS YOUR BEST SCHOOL YEAR YET
Like it or not, the reality is another school year is right around the corner. Literally… it’s almost here.
Although I will definitely miss the long and sometimes lazy days of summer, I do like the start of the academic year. I know what you’re thinking “She’s full of it!” And don’t get me wrong, there are times in the year I long for the peace of summer, but I like the fresh new feeling of the school year. Why?
As a former student and as an educator, I have always viewed the start of the school year as an opportunity to recalibrate and set goals for myself.
If you are telling yourself that this school year is going to be different and things will change for the better, I want to give you some tips to make that statement true.
- Have a specific GOAL. What is it that you want to change? Is it to be proactive with your school and hand everything on time? Connect more with peers and make new friendships? Be more active in your school or community? Take on leadership roles? Whatever it is you want, write it down and be very specific. Writing down, “To be a better student” isn’t specific enough. It is too broad of a goal, quite frankly it is a goal that is easy to forget about and not take seriously. Get REAL specific on what it is you want to change. Some examples could be: “Join two extracurricular clubs or sports and be an active member.” “Maintain a A (or B) in History class.” I highly recommend you focus on only 1-2 goals to start and maybe add to it as you find yourself progressing towards your goals.
- Let’s get to the feelings. Ask yourself the following questions and be honest. Why do you want that goal now? What is it that you will feel upon reaching this goal? What will change if you achieve this goal? It is important that you become aware of the answers to these question in order to want to change. It is really important that you identify and connect to the emotional feelings attached to this goal so it feels real.
- Be real. What habits do you currently have that aren’t serving you towards your goal? It is so important that you be honest with yourself here. The only way to make a change, is by making a change. It isn’t going to be easy, but if you truly want this goal to become a reality you have to get real with yourself and identify what it is you are currently doing that isn’t working for you and replace with a habit that is going to get you towards your goal. Write down the new habit or habits you are going to practice and write it along with your goal (or goals)
- Be honest with yourself. Everyday reflect on where you stand with your goal. It is so important that you become aware of your daily habits and how they are reflecting your final goal. Every leader takes time to reflect, identify habits that require change and sometimes readjust their goals.
- Get help and support! This is huge!!!! Identify what support is required to make your goal a reality. There is absolutely NO SHAME in getting help, but be mindful of who you ask for help. I don’t recommend you talk to your friend who doesn’t take school too seriously on how you can improve your math skills. Seek help from a trusted, safe and also successful source. Seeking out someone to help support you on your goal will also keep you accountable to your goal. Once you share your goal with a trusted individual you are now bound to make your goal a reality.
I hope these tips help you find the success you are seeking to achieve. I would love to hear what goal you have in mind for this year. If you find you need further support, schedule a 30-minute Power Session. CLICK HERE
Much love,
Andrea
I DON’T WANT FAKE FRIENDS
A topic that comes up often when I speak to young women is “How to deal with fake friends?”
It is completely understandable how frustrating it can be dealing with friends who say something, but do another. Complain about someone gossiping and then turn around and gossip about someone else.
At some point in that very conversation I will hear “I can’t wait for college to meet and make genuine friends.”
There is no doubt that college and a new environment is an opportunity to start new. Some of my closest friends are those I met as an undergrad. A new environment and a new state of mind are great ingredients in order to meet new people and make new friends.
But why can’t you do that now?
If you are someone wishing to find genuine friends, my question to you is, “How genuine are you in your current relationships?” “How do you show up currently in your relationships?”
Often times, we (like our “fake friends”) act one way, but expect different from others.
So, my advice to you, if you find yourself feeling you want “real friends”, is for you to be a “real friend”. Be the kind of friend you want to attract now, don’t wait for college. Why will things change later, if they aren’t changing now.
If you value kindness, be kind.
If you value honesty, be honest.
If you don’t want to hear gossip, then remove yourself from the gossip.
By no means am I suggesting that any of this is going to be easy and it might shake up your current relationships (but wasn’t that why you were just complaining about). Be aware of your current habits, conversations, thought patterns, and if that isn’t what you want in a friend, then it is time to make changes within.
Need help finding your voice? Schedule a 30-minute Power Session. CLICK HERE
Much love,
Andrea
IT TAKES IMAGINATION AND…
I love watching the Olympics. It is the ultimate in watching people chase their goals. For me personally I am inspired and motivated watching these amazing athletes perform at the highest level. I love hearing their stories, the challenges they have had to overcome in order to go after their definite major purpose.
This year Michael Phelps has wowed us all, breaking his own record and showing us how a contender goes for the gold (multiple times). He is amazing! I recently came across a quote by Phelps that I wish he had added to it.
“Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn’t be done, all it takes is an imagination.”
It has been amazing watching Phelps break records at this year’s Summer Olympics in Rio. It has been nothing less than exciting. I am sure Michael Phelps visualized himself standing on top of that podium to receive his gold medal at every Olympics. We’ve all heard it before, you have to imagine it, see it, feel it. Make it a reality in your mind.
But, it took a lot more than imagination for Phelps to break a 2,168-Year-Old-Olympic record.
It took hard, consistent, wake-up-before-everyone-else, unsexy, grueling work.
Imagination in the dream just isn’t enough, you have to back it up with sometimes not so fun, uncomfortable work. Success doesn’t just happen by just believing it will happen (of course you must believe it will happen), but you have to put in the hours, the failures, the learning, the growth for it to happen. It takes believing and working at your craft even when other’s don’t believe you can to make it a reality.
Imagine and visualize your goal, but back it up with action.
Which stories from this year’s Summer Olympics have inspired you? I would love to know!
Much love,
Andrea