A topic that comes up often when I speak to young women is “How to deal with fake friends?”
It is completely understandable how frustrating it can be dealing with friends who say something, but do another. Complain about someone gossiping and then turn around and gossip about someone else.
At some point in that very conversation I will hear “I can’t wait for college to meet and make genuine friends.”
There is no doubt that college and a new environment is an opportunity to start new. Some of my closest friends are those I met as an undergrad. A new environment and a new state of mind are great ingredients in order to meet new people and make new friends.
But why can’t you do that now?
If you are someone wishing to find genuine friends, my question to you is, “How genuine are you in your current relationships?” “How do you show up currently in your relationships?”
Often times, we (like our “fake friends”) act one way, but expect different from others.
So, my advice to you, if you find yourself feeling you want “real friends”, is for you to be a “real friend”. Be the kind of friend you want to attract now, don’t wait for college. Why will things change later, if they aren’t changing now.
If you value kindness, be kind.
If you value honesty, be honest.
If you don’t want to hear gossip, then remove yourself from the gossip.
By no means am I suggesting that any of this is going to be easy and it might shake up your current relationships (but wasn’t that why you were just complaining about). Be aware of your current habits, conversations, thought patterns, and if that isn’t what you want in a friend, then it is time to make changes within.
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Much love,
Andrea
