Can you relate to the following? No matter what you say, how much you push and urge your teen, they aren’t following through on their commitments. They say they’ll get their work done, study, do their chores, but you see them doing everything else, watching Netflix, taking a nap etc. And thus, you find yourself evermore frustrated.
So, what do you do?
Often procrastination, laziness and apathy is a cover for something else going on. Teens often push off dealing with schoolwork or commitments because of fear of failure or disappointment. They may act like they are not interested but honestly they may be afraid of what will happen if they fail.
So here are some strategies to help you help your teen.
1. Communication – You must truly listen to your teen. Allow them to speak without interruptions and most importantly be patient. Ask him or her questions about their day. Simply asking “How was your day?” isn’t going to cut it. Ask them questions that can spark a conversation. For example, “What were two things you learned today?” or “What made you laugh today?”, and have a conversation that can continue.
It is important that your teen knows that you are interested in what is going on in their life. These types of conversations shows your teen that you have their back and they will be more willing to share
2. Create structure – For some teens, time seems to escape them. Have a conversation with your teen and have him or her create a timeframe for when they will complete their tasks. Be patient and allow them to take responsibility in creating their schedule. It is important that they are aware that they can have the relax time and work time, but must schedule them. By doing this, you will teach them how to prioritize and take responsibility for their work and commitments. Since most of the teens I work with are always on their phones, I have them use their alarms on their phones to help them track their time. What they will discover, is when they prioritize tasks, they have more time for the fun.
3. Acknowledge positive behaviors – It is so easy to point out when teens are being lazy, but it is so important that you acknowledge your teen when they are following through with their commitments. Just like when they were younger, they still want your approval and it’s critical that you let them know.
4. Check if there is anything else going on – Apathy can sometimes be a cover for something else bothering teens like stress, struggles with friends or within themselves or perhaps they are not getting enough sleep and electronics are an issue. If you see your teen dragging or avoiding responsibilities more than usual it could be because something else is going on and you must sit down and talk him or her.
I hope these strategies help you have less arguments and struggle in getting your teen to follow through with responsibilities. By teaching your teen the skill of communication, structure and positive behaviors you are teaching them discipline that they will use throughout their life.
Let me know how these tips and strategies are working out for you.
Much love,
Andrea
