3 TIPS TO BECOME CONFIDENT IN YOUR DECISION-MAKING
Hello there! Wishing you well on a very HOT summer day in New Jersey.
Often in my conversations with teenagers (and adults too), I notice a lot of frustration, angst and the feeling of heaviness when it comes to making decisions. I completely understand how it can sometimes feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders when there is a very important decision to be made. No one wants to choose unwisely and of course the best outcome is desired. Indecision, can often lead to procrastination, that can then turn into complete paralysis. How many of you can relate?
I was recently flipping through a revised version of Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”, and found myself focused on the chapter about Decision. Being able to make a decision quickly and with certainty is so important, that he dedicates an entire chapter to it. If you struggle with making decisions, and want to change here are the top three actions you can start practicing today.
- Stop procrastinating. What are you waiting for? There is never a perfect time or circumstances. According to Napoleon Hill, “Procrastination, the opposite of decision, is a common enemy that practically everybody must conquer”. Procrastination is simply a delay or avoidance in taking action. How many times have you found yourself organizing the back shelf in your closet simply to avoid doing a task that must be completed? Or perhaps you find yourself watching Netflix, avoiding what really must get done. In the moment, it feels better to complete these unnecessary tasks instead of the urgent ones, but feelings follow? When we procrastinate, often times it can lead to feelings of guilt, not-feeling good enough and even self-doubt. Often times we procrastinate in order to avoid feeling stressed and overwhelmed by decisions that need to be made, but it is actually the end result. Great leaders, do not delay action, they take action because they understand that all that is true and real is this very moment. Of course, you should take time to consider the options, reflect, then act. Be the great leader in your life and stop delaying, the future isn’t guaranteed.
- Be mindful of the opinions you consider. Are you easily influenced by the opinions of others? Do you find yourself asking everyone what they think before making a decision? Keep in mind, that when people are offering their opinion or advice, it is often based on their experiences, their pain, their failures or their successes. “If you are influenced by the opinions of others, you will have no desire of your own.” Take action because you feel empowered, not because that’s what others think you “should” do. Not only will you make conscious decisions, you well free yourself of the burden of pleasing others. Everyone has an opinion, be mindful of who you are sharing your plans or challenges with. You may think these advisers are speaking on what they feel is best for you, but what they may be doing is projecting their own fears onto you.
- Have a purpose. In every undertaking you must have a clear purpose or goal. What do you want? If you don’t know what you want, how can you make a decision? Know what you want, create a plan and go. As Napoleon Hill writes, “Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it.” As I’ve written many times before, it is critical you write down you goals and focus on them. If something comes up and it isn’t in alignment with what you purpose or goal is, perhaps you should let it go. Do the work that fits with your plan, and do it well.
If you want help creating a mission statement, download my Free Teen Guide to Confidence and Power. In there I have tips on creating your own personal mission statement. Take the first step in creating your ideal future. Thank you for reading!
Much love,
Andrea
VOLUNTEERING…A WIN-WIN OPPORTUNITY
I hope you are having an amazing week. In my work I love being able to connect with so many amazing and ambitious teenagers. Today’s blog post is by a former student of mine, Anna Crowder. Anna is studying at Ursinus College and is double majoring in International Relations and Spanish with a minor in Latin American Studies (YOU GO GIRL!). Recently, Ana and I reconnected and she shared with me her experience volunteering in Guatemala. I am so excited she agreed to share her story with our community. I hope you enjoy her story and are inspired to give your time and energy to empower others. Not only did Anna give value to the community she served, but she gained so much through her experience. Every opportunity to give is also an opportunity to grow and learn. Anna’s message provides a beautiful lesson on the power of connection. Thank you Anna for sharing your experience.
Much Love,
Andrea Zacharias
By Anna Crowder
This summer I had the opportunity to spend two weeks volunteering in the lovely town of Quetzaltenango, Guatemala (called Xela by the locals). It was my first time in a Spanish speaking country, and as a Spanish major it was a very life-changing to experience what goes on in a place so different than my own. Guatemala definitely does not have much in common with New Jersey, where I live, nor probably with most of the United States. I was surprised when there were no traffic lights, when public transportation consisted of renovated painted school buses, when there was an armed guard in front of the bookstore I frequented. The amount of stray dogs was surprising, along with the casual all-too-common sight of pickup trucks filled with people standing up in the back as I walked around the city. Different for me, but normal and nothing to be concerned about for those who live there, who are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met, some of which have become very good friends of mine.
For my volunteer project, I went every day for 4-5 hours a day to volunteer with the organization “Aldeas Infantiles SOS Guatemala” (SOS Children’s Villages Guatemala). The location itself consisted of a little gated community of about 100 kids, ranging from around 5 years old to 16 years, living in a total of 13 houses. Each house had a “Tía”, a woman who acted as the head of each house, cooking meals and being an overall motherly figure for the children in her houses. The community also included a library, playground, and basketball court.
Each day that I walked the ten minutes from my host family to the village, I was greeted by the very friendly security guard who recognized me from when I introduced myself on the first day and unlocked the gate to let me in. Once walking through the administrative building and into the village itself, there was always a swarm of children running to me, smiling and asking me what houses I would be visiting with on that day. The core of my project revolved around boosting literacy within the village by providing books and spending time reading with the kids. In order to fund this, I had done a successful fundraiser back home, and due to the favorable exchange rate, was able to purchase a lot of books while in Quetzaltenango to give to them, along with games and sweets. I visited with about three houses per day, where we would read for a time, followed by going outside, playing games, watching movies, anything the kids wanted to do.
The kids were really amazing, and spending time with them was truly a humbling experience. The kids all were getting some degree of schooling, but had never studied English. However, American music is very popular there, so many of the girls would ask me to translate various pop songs and sing them out so they could hear a native speaker pronounce them. They were so interested in learning that I wish I could have stayed longer and arranged some lesson plans. Communicating wasn’t the easiest thing, since I am still a Spanish student and am not terribly used to slang terms, but all the kids were really nice and would talk slower when I couldn’t understand. I learned a lot of Spanish just in the two weeks I was there, and that there are a lot of differences in words between countries, such as when I used what I thought was the word car (coche) but to Guatemalans actually means pig! So the kids got a good laugh when I told them I was a 3-minute ride away “by pig”.
I was always so admiring of how thankful the kids were for the littlest things, such as when a woman came by to give one house I was in a bag of socks. They were so excited they all posed with their gifts like it was Christmas. Another day I went to spend time in a house where it was a little girl’s birthday, and she was so excited to show me her gifts, which consisted of a notebook and some multivitamins. They were always so happy, too, despite the fact that all had ended up there for a variety of unfortunate events. More than anything else, those kids taught me that money does not buy happiness, and anything we as people can do to help others, we should do it, even if the only thing we are spending is our time. I plan to do another fundraiser for the kids closer to Christmastime, and hope to be able to go back and visit them soon. A place is so much more than what you can read about in the news, I would recommend anyone visit Guatemala.
DO YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY SAYING NO?
The other day the topic of anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed came up during a discussion with friends. As the discussion evolved as to what were the sources of these feelings: work, relationships, responsibilities, I asked how comfortable they are with saying no. Turns out, some people aren’t comfortable at all with saying no and find themselves overextending themselves and sacrificing their feelings for others. The interesting thing, I had a similar conversation with a group of teens a few months back and they also confessed about having difficulty saying no for fear of hurting others.
So why is that? Why is it hard to say no?
Have you ever found yourself feeling uncomfortable saying no? Maybe you are afraid to let someone down? Perhaps you don’t want to come across as not being a team player? Or maybe you feel nervous about people’s reactions if you actually did say no? What might happen?
I know it might sound a bit corny, but I believe that sometimes when we say “no” to others we are actually saying “yes” to ourselves.
The truth is we can’t do everything for everybody, and being all things to everyone is simply unrealistic. It’s important to commit to do what you truly believe in and want to do and give it 100%. If you aren’t sure what your answer is a simple “I’ll think about it and get back to you” can give you time to reflect and give an honest response. But doing simply because you think you “have to” is coming from a mindset of lack. When we finding ourselves acting on “have-to” and “should” the results are anxiousness, resentment and overwhelm.
It is time to flip the script. My challenge to you is to say “yes” to what you truly want and believe and say “no” to what doesn’t fall in alignment with whatever path you are on. If you have any questions reach out and schedule a complimentary Power Session so we can get you on the path of empowerment.
If you need help speaking for yourself, schedule a 30-minute Power Session. CLICK HERE
Much Love,
Andrea
PARENTS, ARE YOUR CHILDREN AWARE OF YOUR GOALS?
Recently I have found myself having similar conversations with parents in regards to their son or daughter’s lack of ambition or drive. I can totally understand why any parent would have this worry. Often in these conversations it is also revealed that their child doesn’t pursue hobbies, may not reach out to friends or simply let’s time pass them by.
So the question remains, “How do you instill ambition in your teen?”
Adolescence can be a very confusing time, teens are figuring out who they are, what values they believe in and many are confused about their future, and understandably so. How many of us knew, without a shadow of a doubt what we wanted to do with our lives at 15? Some adults still don’t know.
We could sit and discuss different goal setting techniques and visioning that I use myself. But… my question to you, the leader of your family is:
How often do you set goals and discuss them with your family?
As the leader of your family, your teen can learn so much through you and your pursuit of a new goal. Share your goals with them, whether it is weight-loss, learning a new skill or a hobby. Create a plan, and share your experience as you work towards your goal and include him or her in the process. Not only will you teach your teen the importance of goal-setting, you will teach them about working through challenges and fear, the importance of having a support system, how to cope with failures and set-backs and readjusting the end goal when needed. As the leader of your family you must be the example.
So instead of feeling like you are struggling and pushing your teen to set goals. Include him or her in your own goals and pursuits. Make it a family affair, and who knows, perhaps they will find the inspiration to set their own goals. I would love to hear about how you have included your family in the pursuit of personal and family goals.
I will leave with words of inspiration by C.S. Lewis: “You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream”.
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
DO YOU SLAY?
I have a confession. I am completely proud to share that I am a huge Beyoncé fan. I’ve seen her perform three times, and once even woke up at 3:00 am to try to see her perform a free concert in Central Park (We got there too late and didn’t get to see her!). I think she is amazing and I love how she represents female empowerment. I recently experienced Beyoncé’s Formation Tour and it was AMAZING! Today I want to share my experience and also some insights.
It is clear that Queen Bey is dedicated to her craft. She slays, all day every day. Her shows are an experience, and there is no doubt that she is involved in every detail and aspect of the show. No matter where you are seated you feel her energy in every routine and she delivers 100% to the very end. She knows that her fans come to see her and she honors them by giving them her best.
I love the fact that Beyoncé has an all-female band and these ladies are badass. We are so used to seeing women as singers, but it so awesome and empowering to see and hear these women create awesome music. I appreciate how Beyoncé highlights her band and lets them each have a solo. This gesture is huge and I hope if you are a female musician you know and believe that if are truly dedicated, you too can perform on stage.
Finally, although we will probably never know the truth behind her album, Lemonade, I appreciate her tackling the stages of feelings and emotions women go through when deceived by a partner. There is nothing wrong or even right in these feelings, they just are.
So what are my takeaways?
- Always give your best and deliver 100% to the very end. Be known as the woman who slays! Don’t just talk the talk, walk it, breathe it and be it. Don’t strive for perfection, plan, practice and give your best effort and do your best work.
- Even though Beyoncé can seem more than human, she is human just like you and me. Keep in mind, she has an entire team helping her. The only reason she can do everything she does is because she has a support system. Who is part of your support system? Who brings you up and helps you stay there? Who makes up your positive energy team?
- Women are strong, our feelings are our feelings and there is no reason to apologize for what you feel. If you feel anger, embrace it feel it and when you are ready, release it. Often times we are judged by our feelings, but usually that judgement has nothing to do with us, but rather it has to do with the person’s discomfort with their own feelings.
If you are also a Beyoncé fan, I would love to hear your insights, experiences and questions.
“Okay ladies, now let’s get in formation”
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CLASS OF 2016
Hey there!
I hope you are having an amazing and beautiful day wherever you are.
May and June marks the end of another school year. It is an exciting time of the year; your hard work has payed off and you are about to earn a much deserved rest from the demands of school. To those of you who are graduating, I congratulate you and your achievements and I dedicate today’s post to you.
As an educator I know that you have put in a lot time, energy and effort into your studies, sports, volunteer work and extracurricular activities. Enjoy this moment you are experiencing, feel it and simply take it all in. It is the most exciting time of your life. Your years of hard work and dedication are paying off and you are about to transition into the next phase of your life whether that’s the workforce, college, technical schools or perhaps the military. Some of you may not even be sure what direction you are going to go in, and that’s fine too.
As this chapter of your life comes to a close I want you to take the time to reflect on what you have learned and experienced over the past four years. I believe it is important to reflect on our experiences in order to move forward. Awareness of what has helped you move forward and also what has held you back from your potential is important so you can continue to create and reach new goals.
Today I want to provide you with questions to ask yourself so you can continue to reach your goals, grow and move forward. So take out a piece of paper, and start reflecting.
1. What worked? It is critical to know and be aware of what habits have worked in your favor. Make a list of positive habits that you have that helped you achieve your goals.If there was something that you did once and it worked, write it down and the outcome. Make this list and put it somewhere you can see it, and keep them up. We are creature of habits, so keep these up.
2. What didn’t work? We can learn so much from our mistakes. It is important to acknowledge what didn’t work, so we don’t repeat these bad habits. Make a list of the habits that didn’t work. Once you have identified the habits that didn’t work, write down what you want to replace these habits with.
3. What is something you want to explore? The end of a chapter is often the perfect time to try and explore something new. Perhaps you have wanted to try out a new hobby, or maybe you want to push yourself out of your comfort zone and meet new friends. Right now is the perfect time to do all those things, you said you would do but didn’t. Make a list of what you will try out, positive choices of course.
Once you have written down your responses to these questions, you can start creating an action plan for your goals. I love goal setting, but in order for those goals to come into fruition, you have to take a look at your daily habits. Your daily habits will either take you towards your goals or pull you away from them. So during your time of transition make it a point to establish a clear understanding of what you want and what you will do.
If you find yourself stuck responding to these questions, or if you want help moving forward on your goals schedule a 30-minute complimentary Power Session to help you moving towards your goals. CLICK HERE
I hope you have found value in today’s post and feel free to share it if you have. I would love to hear your responses to these questions.
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
THE BEAUTY OF DISCONNECTING
If you are anything like me, you might find yourself ever so often checking your social media, text messages and emails. Personally, I feel that the moment I open Facebook or Instagram I fall into a rabbit hole, and what was meant to be a “quick” let me see what everyone is up to, turns into 30 minutes of watching cute animal videos, babies giggling, political articles…. You get my point. How often are we distracted by what everyone else is doing on social media, that we miss out on what is actually going on around us.
Don’t get me wrong, I am always happy to see the amazing things going on in the lives of my friends. But sometimes, it’s just too easy to get distracted and lose sight of what’s going on around you.
In the end March I had the most amazing opportunity to travel with 25 teenagers and two teachers to Nicaragua. The students we traveled with are members of an incredible club “Free the Children”, and over the past three years they have raised money to support the building of three classrooms in a rural community in Nicaragua. We had the of working with two awesome leaders from Me to We (Hey Chris and Sarah!!!) who facilitated thought-provoking, emotional and empowering discussion that left us all humbled and grateful. We visited the school and community that our Free the Children club has supported over the years and also got our hands dirty and helped work on the foundation for the next classroom. It was an emotional and humbling experience, one that I will cherish forever.
It filled my heart seeing our teenagers fellowship with the children in the community and each other. I could see pure joy and love in every face. There was no you or me, only We. (Get it, Me to We). It was truly a beautiful experience. When we left the community at the end of the day it was awesome to see them form new friendships and deepen the ones that they already had. In the evening, we gathered around to reflect, share our experiences and also acknowledge the impact and influence group members had on one another.
Throughout the week, what made this such a moving experience was the fact that everyone was present. We each unplugged ourselves from our devices, and we were in the moment with each other. Being present allowed each one of us to develop a deep connection with one another but also with the community and our environment. We came together separate, but we evolved into one. Word can’t express how awesome it was to see these amazing teenagers work together, encourage and support each other, but most importantly seeing them be present with one another.
What are you missing out on when distracted?
What could happen in our relationships if we all just stayed in the here and now?
I saw the beauty of what happens when a group of 25 amazing teenagers worried less about what the world was doing and were totally in the moment. How about you? What could be different if you were completely present and in the moment?
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
DOES THE UNIVERSITY YOU ATTEND DETERMINE YOUR WORTH?
As part of my coaching journey, I have had the amazing opportunity to work with a group of exceptional women who are less than two months away from graduating high school. We meet on a weekly basis and work on the struggles they are facing and the anxiety attached to some major decisions they are about to make. If you have graduated high school more than 8 years ago, let me tell you, things have changed. The pressures are greater and the stakes are even higher.
For most teenagers in the U.S. their goal is attend college, it is what we do. Why? Because we need to get a good JOB. So for four years many teens take every possible AP class, SAT and ACT prep course, balance athletics and extracurricular activities, take on internships, work a part-time job and are most likely averaging only five hours of sleep a night. They are taking every step to get an edge and be a step ahead of the other student who has studied just as hard as them.
Seniors are applying to 8, 10, 15 different colleges. So many teens have put in all of this work, just to find that so have thousands of other applicants applying to the very same schools they have. Over the past four years, I have watched top students (top 5% with exceptional SAT scores) get rejected from schools we all thought hands down would accept them.
February thru April is college acceptance season and as you can imagine the stakes are high. April 1st, teens are itching to share their acceptance stories on Snapchat. Many are feeling the anxiety of what their peers may think. Social media is in your face letting you know where people have gotten in and where they will go.
Why do I share all of this with you?
As a society we have put so much pressure on teenagers to do well (and better than the person next to them), yet haven’t prepared them for the letdowns that sometimes come up in life. I watch teenagers define themselves based on which colleges have accepted to rejected them. They’ve worked so hard to be the “perfect applicant,” that when they receive a college rejection, their world shatters.
When we define our success based on what others think of believe, we are bound for disappointment. Unfortunately, what most teenagers don’t realize is that colleges and universities are a business and they are looking at their bottom line. What will make them look good? The applicant isn’t an individual, but rather a number. And when teenagers attached their identity based on which colleges accept them, they are bound for confusion.
If you are a teenager struggling to figure out your future, know that you are not alone. Even though no one else is talking about it, chances are they are feeling the same stress and anxiety as you are.
If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, anxious over the college decision process, contact me NOW and schedule a free 30-minute Teen Power Session, where we can discuss the next steps you can take to release the overwhelm and anxiety so you can feel confident as move into the next phase of your life.
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias
HOW ATTACHED ARE YOU TO YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEED?
Chances are, on your down time you are are playing the hottest game on your phone or checking your Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter or whichever social media addiction of choice you are on this month.
Perhaps you find yourself thinking, “Man, Allison (or whomever is on your feed) is always doing something so cool.”
And then your follow-up thought might be something along the lines of “I never do anything that cool.”
Maybe Allison does have a really cool life, and that’s so awesome for Allison! But that’s Allison. Who are you? What makes you unique and interesting? And why are we looking and focused on what everyone else is doing? Why does it matter?
I think social media is awesome, I have completely integrated social media into my life. We can share ideas and awesome experiences. It can be a place to start a conversation and inspire others. However, when we start comparing ourselves to the others via their post, we need to take a step back and self-evaluate. What is with the obsession with what everyone else is doing? Instead of focusing on them, how about developing your interests, hobbies, your awesomeness. And if you want to share what makes you awesome, great share it. And if you don’t, awesome, don’t.
When we engage in any activity or relationship for pure joy, we will gain so much more than if you are doing it for a like. Do you remember every like you got or the feeling attached to an awesome experience?
So my challenge to you, is to feel genuine excitement for your social media friends, but at the same time to create your own healthy adventure. If you want to post it, do it, but then notice how you react to the responses (or lack of responses) from your post. If you find yourself feeling more excitement from what people think, rather than the actual experience, this might be something you need to explore. But whatever you do, I wish you an awesome, safe and amazing adventure.
Much love,
Andrea Zacharias